The First Steps When Considering Divorce
Making the decision to separate from your spouse is one of the most difficult choices you'll ever face. Whether you've been contemplating it for months or the decision has come suddenly, knowing what steps to take first can help you navigate this challenging time with greater clarity and confidence. Understanding the practical and legal implications of separation can empower you to make informed decisions that protect your interests and set the foundation for your future.
The first and most important step is to take time to think clearly about your decision. Separation is a major life change that affects not only you and your spouse but also your children, extended family, finances, and living arrangements. While some separations happen in crisis moments, it's beneficial when possible to approach this decision thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Consider whether counselling might help, either individually or as a couple, to ensure you've explored all options and are making the decision that's truly right for you.
Once you've decided that separation is the path forward, it's time to gather information about your family's financial situation. Make copies of important documents including bank statements, investment account statements, tax returns, mortgage documents, credit card statements, and any other financial records. You should also document assets like vehicles, property, and valuable personal belongings. This information will be essential as you negotiate the terms of your separation, and having copies ensures you'll have access to this information even if your living situation changes suddenly.
Consider consulting with a family lawyer early in the process. A consultation allows you to understand your rights and obligations, learn about the separation process, and develop a strategy for moving forward. Your lawyer can advise you on practical matters like how to handle shared bank accounts, and what to expect regarding property division, support, and parenting arrangements if you have children. This legal guidance can help you avoid common mistakes that people often make in the early stages of separation.
If you have children, begin thinking about how you'll tell them and what parenting arrangements might work best for your family. Children's needs should be a primary consideration in any separation, and approaching parenting discussions with their best interests in mind can help you and your spouse find common ground even when other issues feel contentious. Remember that how you handle the separation and co-parenting relationship can significantly impact your children's adjustment and well-being.
It's also important to consider your living arrangements and financial situation. Where will you live? How will you manage household expenses during the separation process? Can you and your spouse continue living under the same roof temporarily, or does someone need to move out immediately? These practical questions don't always have easy answers, but thinking through them in advance can help you navigate the transition more smoothly.
Finally, build a support network around yourself. Separation is emotionally difficult, and you'll need people you can talk to, whether that's friends, family members, a therapist, or a support group. Having emotional support separate from your legal advice is crucial—your lawyer is there to provide legal guidance, but you need others in your life to help you process the emotional aspects of this transition.
Taking these first steps thoughtfully can make a significant difference in how your separation unfolds. While it's a challenging time, remember that many people have successfully navigated separation and gone on to build fulfilling new lives. With the right information, support, and legal guidance, you can too.
